“Aguh………..” I stood still, mouth opened, hands and legs shivering, eyes bulging out.
Ryan also shook his head in disbelief. Looking at me for a second,then coming back to senses. He got up slowly from bed to offer me seat with a fake smile. His face was pale, eyes burning with anger. The blonde with him picked her shirt to cover herself quickly. I saw suspicion in her eyes.
“Hey Janet, you here? meet my fiance… my family, Ashley۔۔۔۔۔۔ Ashley A”
His intro made me feel tiny and small. ٰI thought,”who the hell I am if she is your family….”
However, I listened patiently with my mouth wide opened, pushing and pulling hard my emotions (to stay calm);still had one or two tears rolling down.
Ryan, on the other hand was okay. He was smiling victoriously as if he wanted to say, “hey good time passed together, thanks for enjoyment.” He had no regrets or signs that could show he had a relationship with me. Instead, he sat legs crossed on a couch holding Ashley’s waist. “And you know what he called me?”
“His best friend,” I laughed out loudly with grain-like water drops in eyes.
I came back home empty-handed, crying and smiling both at the same time. Pause.
21st July, 2018
“Donna stop, stop, stop here……I think this one is wonderful. See its design.. color and style” I pointed at a stylish frock a display dummy was wearing.
“No, I think it not worth $22″
We moved to the other shop and found a prettier dress,”then? I think…we should…may be….buy this red frill baby frock. It is beautiful and worth the price tag”
“Yes buy it already,” Donna yawned.
“Thanks to heavens, you are done” she commented coming out from the shopping mall after our two hours of leg work with me. “Thanks to you, who had not been liking any frock,” I answered back.
We made a plan to shop together after a long pause. She was a mom now and I, busy with my “still single but happy and peaceful” life.
We entered a nearby cafe and bought ice cream. Eating the yummiest treat of our town, we began walking towards our car.
I was silent in the car and Donna was noticed it like a good friend who knows everything about you. And so, she asked with dark lines appearing on her forehead,”What happened to you? you seem sad?”
“Come on, I am not…when did I say I am SAD ?” I replied.
“Don’t lie. There is something I can feel. What is it, tell me?”
Knowing, she had guessed what was inside, I still negated, “NO” with a tear rolling down, but smile on face.
Getting out of the car, she said,”awe.. my darling…come here” to give me a hug. “Why are you going to Ryan’s daughter’s birthday party?Ain’t that hurts?”
“Hurt…why? no. It does not…it is simple, because he is my boss and he invited me. so it is just official” I shrugged my shoulders. Though there was a battle inside.
“Then why are you crying….You should have left his job years ago.If I were in your shoes…really… I would have slapped him on his face and left him and his job forever!” She had disgust in her eyes.
“Crying does not mean I am weak, honey. These tears are to water my soul..not for him.”I would have been crying if he was worth it.
“That’s great…but you should…”
” If I had left him that day it would be a serious FALL. I rather took decision to act stronger and face him anyways. He hurt (that day by introducing me to his “fiance” without any regrets, remorse or embarrassments) showing as if I were NOTHING in front of her.But that was That….I just moved on…even staying with him in his job, facing him every day…..Because i damn care now?” I shrugged shoulders again.
“Then why you seem angry?”
“I am not angry dear. Why would I be angry or sad? I am happy that he got what he deserved”
“But being your biggest life secret, would not that cause disturbance for you,” she asked out of curiosity.
“No…I feel we all have secrets and that ‘s fine as far as we do not make those secrets our weaknesses to hinder our progress in life!”