I spoke to Atif afterwards and told him delicately that I was not into making money so much. (I also wanted to say, “I do not like you so much.”) However, he did not let me explain my feelings to him, as he cut off my call.
I told the story to my family and let them decide my future. My father had tears in his eyes when he said, “Let’s just call off the marriage.”
I was never into that guy, yet the situation distressed me so much that I fell into a pit of severe depression.
Those days, the whole world seemed congested. No friend, no relative, no colleague seemed sincere. I was already an under-confident girl, and this attack worsened the situation. Now I was not only crying all the time, but also losing my nerves, losing my mind, losing the ground beneath my feet.
I had a well-known psychiatrist friend named Gul who had helped a lot of people. Her reputation was known around the world. My sister took me to see her.
“Mariyah! Long time no see. How are you doing? I missed you so much. Where have you been?”
“I was busy, you know.”
“And how about Aamir? Are you two having kids now?”
“Well, Gul, we are not together.” I started crying.
“Oh! I see. So why are you crying?”
“I do not know. I keep crying these days.”
“Get married, girl. Move on.”
“Actually I am moving on, but it’s too hard, you know.”
“Listen! Nothing is hard if you are willing.”
“I agreed to marry a person whom I had not even seen. I agreed to move on and to focus on my career only. I agreed to get away from Aamir, but the thing is, whenever I try to rid myself of him, he pushes himself back into my life.”
“You know why that happens? Because you let him do it. He has grabbed onto your weakness and exploited you. I already knew his reputation, but was silent since you two were engaged. Now stop crying. He was not meant for you.”
“Yes, I have moved on. I just flush off old things and now I’m ready to concentrate on moving forward.”
“Then why are you crying? Mariyah! I know your habits. You had been coming back to him, listening to him, showing him that you were too weak to leave him. I was afraid this would happen again. Please listen carefully. Things have to change with time. Accept it. Be firm, my dear, surround yourself with more people, and do not let anybody rule over you. A ruling heart is alright to some extinct, but ruling someone else’s mind is just not acceptable.”
“Yes, you are right.”
This meeting left me thinking that I needed to put my mind into a state in which nothing could overwhelm it. Gul was correct in pointing out my main mistake. I had shown Aamir that I was weak by accepting all his demands. I should not have compromised and become his “friend” right after becoming his beloved.
Whatever happened, I was the one who deserved to blame. I had known about his ex-girlfriends (I had even met one of them), yet had relied on a liar!
Days passed quickly and I began fighting back again, even during the hardest of times. Moving on fast is never as easy as moving on gradually, so I decided to do the latter. I stopped thinking and rethinking about him. I stopped giving him the headspace that I had given him before. I compromised with time, though my heart was still frustrated.
For me, the issue was not about leaving him, but about making up my mind to accept him as a friend.
Three months passed without any interaction with Aamir. I was quite calm, but then I could not resist calling him. He was happy to talk to me. He thanked me and showed great regret over losing me.
“Please, Mariyah! You were the only friend of mine who knew me to the inner core. Can you please pinpoint a few weak points in me?”
“You try to be who you are not. This is the only drawback you have, but it’s a big one.”
“Oh, thank you, Mariyah. Please keep in touch with me. I like being with you.”
“Okay, Aamir. See you.”
“I will wait for your call again.”
It was two days after we spoke when I received a call from him.
“Oh, hi Aamir!”
“Mariyah, I hope you are well. Listen, we have never left each other. In any case, our relationship is almost nine years old. Neither you nor I could leave each other. I could have gone away, I could have changed my number, my address, my accounts, but I did not because I never wanted to. Why would I leave you? You are my one and only friend for life.”